Should You Remind Your Teen To Do Homework?

Hey there teens, do you feel like your parents are checking in on whether you’re doing your homework or not too often? Parents, do you feel like your teen isn’t getting their homework done – and are you checking in on them regularly?

As an Academic Life Coach, I meet with both my clients (who are often teenagers) weekly and also their parents for checkups. And so I have a client I just had a session with who is finishing up his freshman year in high school, and one of the things we were talking about this week is how often his parents should be checking in on him regarding his homework. This week’s video is for both you parents and teenagers out there, regarding parent’s checking in on their teen’s homework.

Hey there, don’t have time for the full video? No worries, I’ve got your back with this summary:

As teenagers, and we’ve all be there, we start seeking our independence. It’s not unusual that when we hit our mid teens that we start wanting to fend for ourselves, and this includes academically. As I was saying, I have a client, who is just finishing up his freshman year in high school, and he feels that his parents are checking in on his homework way too much. Now, he has ADHD and a bit of a perfectionist, and therefore in his previous years he’s had a history of not getting homework turned in on time or at all. As a result, his parents would regularly check in with him regarding his homework to make sure he was getting it done, and in middle school, this worked great. However, now he’s pushing back against them, and he said something that I felt was very insightful.

Should You Remind Your Teen To Do Homework?, Parents, Teenagers, Adolescents, Teenage Stubbornness, Homework, Accept Consequences of Actions, Independence, Freedom,

“I don’t want my parents to be right. I don’t want them to think that I’m doing my homework because THEY told me to.” He wanted to be doing it because he knew he needed to for his future. And I can totally relate to this, and I’m sure a LOT of parents out there if you think back to your teenage years you’ll have a similar story to mine. I remember in high school I had an Algebra teacher who told me and reminded me regularly, that I could have an A in his class. My father, who is a mathematician, also was convinced I could have an A, and so they both regularly were checking in on me and pushing me to get an A in that class. As a result, I pushed back, and decided, “No, that’s their goal, I don’t care, and I’m not going to get an A.” Sure enough, I got a B in that class. Similarly, my client says that most of the time when his parents check in on him he’s already doing his homework, but because they check in with him, that makes him feel stubborn and he will often STOP doing his homework because of it.

There comes a time when teenagers want to start feeling more independent, and we as parents and guardians need to let them accept the consequences of their actions so that they can learn from it. Now, of course, this advice isn’t applicable to all families, as I don’t know the specifics of your situation and your parent/child dynamics; however, I did think this was a theme worth sharing – that sometimes when we as a family check in too often on our teenagers we are getting in the way of them experiencing their own independence.

As always, if you found this tip useful, or if you have any questions feel free to email me at Gretchen@GretchenWegner.com and if you feel you need help with your academics please consider looking at my online course!

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4 thoughts to “Should You Remind Your Teen To Do Homework?”

  1. I feel like maybe you were talking to my son yesterday! We’ve been struggling with this, and I am working on backing off, because he is stubbornly NOT doing things when I get involved!

  2. Gretchen! This is brilliant! That quote really helped me get to the core of this dynamic! Thanks! I often have students decide what kind of support they want from their parents, regarding HW check-ins. Sometimes, we even make a script of what they want parents to say (including the tone of HOW to say it) and how often, and then we ask the parents if they would be willing to give it a try. New learning all around. -Tina

  3. Oh, I feel ya, Ann. You MIGHT also like to look into Gretchen’s Rubin’s book about habit building and the “4 tendencies.” It’s also possible your son has the Rebel tendency, and if that’s the case, no amount of your checking in is going to make a different if he feels pressure. Sigh. Parenting is filled with personal development opportunities, isn’t it?!

  4. Oh, I’m so glad this spoke to you Tina. I LOVE that you create scripts with your clients of what parents could say and how they could say it! So useful…

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