Several years ago when I was new to academic coaching, I had a client named Sophia. She was a high school junior and a sweet young woman: friendly, thoughtful … and compliant.
However, Sophia would forget to tell me crucial details about her school work.
I always saw Sophia on Thursdays. One particular Friday morning, a frenzied email from her mother appeared in my inbox.
Apparently Sophia had been up all night reading seven articles for her government class! She was exhausted and overwhelmed. Her mother wondered why we hadn’t made a plan during our session the night before.
I was totally caught off guard. Seven articles to read?! Sophia hadn’t mentioned a thing.
During our next session, I asked why she hadn’t told me about the mountain of work last week. She answered that she just didn’t think of telling me.
“I always thought of you as someone who was just hired by my mom,” she said.
I’m here to work on the things that my mom wants me to work on,” she added. “If my mom hadn’t told us to work on homework, it just didn’t seem important.”
In hindsight, I couldn’t blame Sophia for her passivity. Her parents and I had failed to make sure that she understood the purpose and process of coaching.
In those early years, I met with the parents first, not meeting the student until the parents had already committed to eight sessions. The student never got to actively choose whether she would see me or not. Sophia was content to let the adults run the show because, quite frankly, that’s what we’d tacitly communicated to her.
These days, my intake process is drastically different.
A family never has to commit to coaching until the teenager has met with me.
During my initial consultation I have an honest and straightforward conversation with the student, letting them know that they have the final say about whether we begin coaching together. I stress that they are interviewing me just as much as I am interviewing them.
I have a commitment never to work with a client who doesn’t want to work with me…and I would hope that the teenager has a similar commitment to themselves.
Ever since I’ve had this new policy, I’ve noticed that my clients are no longer passive recipients. They understand that our relationship is collaborative and interdependent, and they seem eager to join forces with me in order to transform their skills as students.
Parents, too, can relax. They don’t have to feel ever-vigilant about their teen’s success; they can trust that we’re all on the same team working towards the same goal.
So what’s the big mistake I’m urging parents not to make? Do not push your kid to undergo coaching.
Instead, try these five steps:
- Have an honest conversation with your student about their hopes and fears about their education.
- Tell your student about academic coaching and ask if they think it would help.
- Show them my website (you might start with this post about the difference between academic coaching and tutoring) and encourage them to surf around inside it.
- Schedule an initial consultation so your student can meet me.
- Be truly open to them deciding that they do not want to work with me, or any coach.
Do you have any more advice? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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