I know I normally talk to students, but parents this one is for you!
I’ve noticed a little pattern in most of the families I talk to and wanted to address this with the broader community.
This simple trick is something every family can do to help shift the school stress away from their student.
Itching for more awesome advice? Check out my Anti-Boring Approach to powerful studying.
Observing oneself and watching for when vigilance/stepping in is helping and when it is not is great advice. But do you have any more specific, practical tips for gradually moving from near-constant vigilance to “you’re on your own”? Just as an example, would you recommend periodic check-ins, with the time between them gradually increasing, or do you have any other methods or tools to recommend?
Hi Valerie! Thanks for popping in. I’d have to know more about the situation to give better advice. I’d want to know more about what it means to be in “near constant vigilance.” Does that mean checking the online grading system daily or hourly? Does it mean standing by when the student is doing his/her homework? Something else? Since I don’t know details, I’d say more generally that near constant vigilance doesn’t sound healthy to me, for the parent or the student. In so many situation I’ve seen, parents would benefit greatly from parent coaching or therapy to re-examine the the family system and their role inside that system. If the student him/herself has severe learning needs, then it makes sense to (if possible) work with a coach so that the parent can let go and experience some relief from the vigilance. I know that both these suggestions require resources that many families don’t have. I do like your suggestions for how to back off incrementally. It’s possible that a family meeting to create a contract/agreement about what that backing off is going to look like would be a good idea. However, I have to admit that my expertise is not in parent coaching, so often when I see families in situations where the vigilance is wearing on everyone, and coaching hasn’t helped to lessen the stress, I refer out to a therapist. I’m afraid that’s not a neat and tidy answer, but I hope it helps!
Yes, that’s helpful. I like the contract idea. Thanks!