Lesson 4: Advice for Parents About What (Not) To Say to Students
Alrighty, so students — whether you like it or not, your parents are concerned about whether you’re doing this right.
- 2 words to stop using immediately when you talk to students about learning
- 3 questions to ask students instead, that inspire (rather than kills) their learning
- 10 Do’s and Don’t about how to talk to students about learning and grades
Stop using the words “Study” and “Review”.
Don’t ask: “Are you studying?” or say “Don’t forget to study”
Instead, ask my 3 favorite questions:
- What did you do (differently) this time?
- If you could time travel, what advice would you go back and give yourself? Exactly when would you go back to give that advice? Why?
- How will you know you’re ready for the test? How will you know that you know everything you need to know?
To nag: Annoy or irritate with persistent _____fault finding______ or continuous ___urging_____.
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DO… |
DON’T… |
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1. Get Curious and ask questions |
1. Lecture or feign curiosity |
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2. Pause. Ask consent. |
2. Ambush |
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3. Analyze grades. |
3. Freak yourself out by checking grades alone |
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4. Refer to observable data |
4. Blame, especially with “you always” or “you never” |
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5. Acknowledge effort and process |
5. Hyperfocus on grades as desirable outcomes |
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6. Remember change takes time |
6. Expect immediate improvement |
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7. Make family expectations visible |
7. Agree verbally on expectations |
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8. Follow through. Do what you say. |
8. Make threats you may not carry out |
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9. Celebrate mistakes as learning |
9. Save your kid from mistakes |
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10. Have multiple ways to soothe your own anxiety |
10. Wait for behavior change to soothe anxiety |
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