Now that the new school year has begun, I am having a number of intake conversations with concerned parents. Their teen struggled in school last year — last minute freakouts about projects, work turned in late or not at all — and they really think coaching will help.
But how do they introduce the idea of coaching to their kid without butting heads, drawing scowls and slamming doors?
One parent, when she mentioned academic coaching to her daughter, was met with the response, “God, mom!! I’m not stupid! I don’t need a tutor!” and then stormed off to her room. When the mother reminded her daughter how much she’d struggled organizing herself during a research project last year, she shrugged, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I did fine.”
It’s fairly typical that a teenager would resist the idea of coaching. Who wants to think of themselves as less-than-capable, especially in this pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture? Also, this student is transitioning from middle to high school, and so — quite fairly, I believe — wants to give herself the benefit of the doubt, a fresh slate in which to succeed. All of this is totally natural.
However, what if coaching during the first few months of high school really WOULD help her get a leg up? How could this mom introduce her daughter to the idea of academic coaching without getting a door slammed in the face — again?
Here are some talking points:
- Coaching is NOT tutoring.
- Coaching works on process, not content. It’s about how you create systems for time management, organization, and studying. It has nothing to do with how smart you are.
- Teachers don’t typically teach processes. If you struggle with process issues like managing your time, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you haven’t been taught it yet.
- Coaching teaches life-long skills. Many grown-ups use coaches to help them organize and prioritize at work, partially because they didn’t get these skills when they were younger.
- Coaching is focused on building self-sufficiency. If we work well together, you won’t need coaching after a certain time.
- Coaching can save you time, overwhelm and stress. No more 30 minutes wasted while you digging through your bedroom for that paper that you printed out yesterday.
- Remember that ultimately, it’s YOUR (the teen’s) choice. Meet me first and then decide whether you want to work with me.
- We won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. In fact I (Gretchen) have a strict policy of not working with anyone who isn’t willing to work with me.
What other points do skeptical teens need to hear? Please let me know, below!!